I'm Not Trapped In Here With You...
“I will not allow you to leave the castle, Anonymous. Going on your own is much too dangerous.”
You’ve had it to here with this “little poor stallion” bullshit.
Ever since you landed in the colorful cartoonish land of equines, and they figured out you were male, they suddenly became insanely protective of you, becoming borderline neurotic whenever you got even remotely got close to danger.
You later discovered this was due to a majority of the males being total fucking pansies, and of you being the same.
Basically, you were restricted from not being bored out of your mind.
“Holy shit Luna, stop. Let me do my thing. I’m not going to die. I’m just planning a hike up the mountain.”
“But you might get hurt! You could get caught in a rock slide! You could fall off the mountain! You could get lost and starve! It’s much better if you stay here and stay safe with us, I’m sure we could find a safe, coltish hobby you’d enjoy.”
“Luna, I’m going to be fine.”
“I’m serious, you ought to be more careful! Why, some mare might catch you alone and commit unspeakable acts to you against your will!”
You feel a smirk grow on your face. Who does she think you to be? She steps back in surprise as you turn abruptly towards her, one hand on your hip and a finger pointed at her snout.
“I can take on any pony on the planet, Luna. Including you.”
“Is that a challenge, my little human?” You see a grin also grow on her face.
“Don’t think your lithe figure and feminine wiles will make me hold back. I’ll bring you to your knees.”
Luna sputters at your proclamation, her entire face turning a light shade of red and unable to counter verbally. You take advantage of her hesitance, and pull your shirt over your head, making sure not to knock your sunglasses off.
“I don’t care if you’re some sort of pony demi-god, or how toned that plot of yours is; those curves have nothing on me! It’s GO TIME.”
She manages to recover, and a smirk begins to creep onto her muzzle.
And it keeps creeping up.
Oh boy, she has the whole toothy grin thing, narrowed eyes, everything.
Maybe you should rethink this.
“Consider your challenge accepted, Anonymous. We think you’ll find our techniques quite...tiresome. I think you’ll soon regret leaving yourself trapped in here by yourself.”
Fuck it, it’s go time.
“You know, Princess, that’ll be rather hard to do when your sparkling mane is pressed again the floor. And, for the record, I’m not trapped in here with you…”
You flex your arms and your back, shifting into a stance in preparation to move.
“...you’re trapped in here WITH ME!”
She licks her lips and shudders.
Her horn lights up, and every door and window in the room slams shut, before she lowers herself into a fighting stance, chest down, rear up, head forward.
“Show me your moves, Anon. All of them…”
Celestia is awoken in the very early morning to find the castle shaking amid the sounds of thumps and broken glass.
She immediately gets up, foregoing her formal attire, and sprints towards the source of the noise. When she arrives, she finds several of the staff and guards peeking through the doorway, trying to see what’s going on inside. The door itself, however, had been reduced to splinters.
“Dost thou surrender, fair Anonymous?!” She hears her sister bellow, out of breath and giggling.
Celestia steps past her guards into the doorway to see what’s going on inside.
Several windows were shattered, a few of the floor tiles were cracked, one of the decorative pillars was shattered. It looked like a tornado had ripped through the room. And off to the side, Luna was attempting to pin a shirtless, and nearly pantless, Anonymous to the floor.
Somehow through all this, his sunglasses remained affixed to his face.
“You haven’t won yet, Moonbutt!” He threw her off and went in for another tackle.
Celestia sighed and turned away from the mayhem. The sun wasn’t even up yet, she wasn’t ready for this shit.
After a nice nap, the raising of the sun, and a few jugs of coffee, Celestia sits down at her coffee table, and begins flipping through the piles of paperwork the castle staff brought in for her to complete.
She pauses as she hears her bedchamber doors open, and looks up to see her sister walk in looking like an absolute mess. Her mane shared similarities to the shrubs outside, her coats was matted with sweat, and she almost fell over as she entered, her legs shaking uncontrollably. Celestia looked at her sister with concern. “Luna, are you alright? Did you hurt yourself fighting him? You look like absolute Tartutus.”
Luna shook her head and gave her older sister a weary smile. “I’m more than alright, sister. I feel absolutely ecstatic.” Her smile turned into a trembling grin. “Never in my life have a met a colt who could hold his own against me, never mind initiate battle. Ohhhh….” Her legs began shaking even more. “I found no coltish whimsy in him, only the HARD and BURNING passions of battle running through his blood, and the sweat that ran down his skin. He even pinned me down and made me call uncle, and even offered his hoof to help me stand up, mmmmmmohhhhhh…” She weakly moaned, and collapsed next to the coffee table.
Celestia only could stare at her sister in shock, the blue alicorn passed out with a smile on her face. Before she could stop herself, she felt herself stand up and walk towards Anon’s room. She threw open the door. “Anonymous, I must ask you-”
﹖
“-if we may engage in hoof-to-hoof combat fo-”
Fucks sake why can’t you just go for your hike in peace.
“Fuck off, Celestia, I need to finish preparing my fucking hike.”
“B-but Anon-”
“No, Celestia, I’m not in the mood for it. Leave.”
You look back towards the map of Canterlot Mountain to plan out your route. You hear Celestia retreat out of your room, muttering, “But I want to feel his passion of battle…”
These ponies have the weirdest fucking fetishes.